it’s that moment…it’s like I’m in a wrinkle in time. I got the keys and have no idea where these hallways and doors lead, but it feels so free and I know it’s right. when the moment begins and doesnt end…..
today i woke up feeling beautiful and happy for no good reason, but it could be because it’s Friday and im feeling free and im living honestly and in the moment, regardless of the chaos each moment brings. you know, it could be that.
it could also be the new shampoo and deodorant tho, cause they smell a little like heaven and make me feel dreamier, too.
and my morning coffee might have something to do with it, just enough fuel in a half caff, but it started before the caffeine buzz.
on a day like today, any thought of you makes me heart expand and feel warmer and really…. joyful. you made me smile so much every time you’d call me a crazy dumbass and you somehow reminded me of my strength and who I really am. maybe that’s what it is.
and so today, even if just for the morning, i just really feel grateful for that goodness….of….myself….
i don’t know. I may have just described you as a dreamy, ethereal, heavenly caffeine buzz tho. i dont know what to say about that because it doesn’t really come close…. but… working with it regardless…
it would be more descriptive to add mounds of whipped cream to that cup except you see, i don’t let myself indulge in that anymore.
when I told God about how you are my favorite and how my heart is going crazy, God replied,
“that’s why I gave you a rib cage…its perfectly safe for your heart to have seizures and do some ecstatic dancing. if you take a deeper breath, it will give your heart a little more room to bounce and it will feel less constricted
i just keep doing the things i’m supposed to,
waiting for my feelings to open,
i just want to go where i’m free,
live the good life,
i keep getting glimpses of that feeling without you
and wonder how to bring that home.
Then i wonder, maybe i am home but you are not.
Maybe i am just living the “should” life,
curious about the “could” life,
and expecting it to convalesce into the “good” life.
oh “would” obligatory actions only create the ideal.
sometimes it’s the unexpected that brings you back to the moment.
with that in mind, don’t allow stagnancy to ruin it all.
i found my white stallion and the red lizard is relieved to be consumed.
rather, my white stallion found me…
i surrendered to the truth,
and abandoned the binding chains.
i was looking at it all the wrong way.
funny how chains can do that.
it is, in my estimation, the freest i have ever felt.
ride on, my white steed.