thank God for things like sandalwood….
you are definitely on my mind today
as you know you are like a dream to me
a dream, that on my lovely days,
I get to enjoy.
when I told God about how you are my favorite and how my heart is going crazy, God replied,
“that’s why I gave you a rib cage…its perfectly safe for your heart to have seizures and do some ecstatic dancing. if you take a deeper breath, it will give your heart a little more room to bounce and it will feel less constricted
last night, i dreamt of you, again.
but i got to hold your hand
and kind of rub your forearm
before it slipped away.
i had to reach into a brown paper bag
to reach it for some reason.
whatever the case, the rustling
sounded so real,
and getting to
made it easier to breathe today.
and so i walk away from that fire that i built for you.
i know the sun is setting and i should set up my tent.
i’m glad my hair smells like campfire.
i didn’t intend on camping alone, but
i know i’ll be warm enough cause
i packed one of those sleeping bags for subzero weather.
i don’t know why i have a subzero sleeping bag;
i don’t intend on glacier camping, like…ever.
i hate the frigid cold.
but i guess if you were there i would do it.
and maybe some whisky.
cause it would keep me warm.
and help me sleep.
but then hiking would be hard.
hangover hiking, dehydration, and frigid winds.
sounds like an icy mix of hell.
warm whisky, subzero sleeping bag, and you.
that might do.
i laugh at my thoughts.
but back to the tent.
i climb inside, kind of giggling,
i’m sitting on my puffy sleeping bag and fall backwards,
my head falling deeply into the sand bedding beneath the tent.
beach camping is great for that.
i huff a sigh…
HOW did you disappear with the malbec???
i dont feel like waking up from this dream….
i want to run away with you, like they do in the movies, with the top down on the mustang and along the cliffs of BigSur. and i have a headband on and a cute french braid but the wind still blows it all around…..i look at your arm and watch how you grip at the steering wheel and i cant resist but to lean over and kiss tyour bicep…
then we stop, beachside, and i build a little fire while you pour a malbec with your arms draped over my shoulders, kissing my neck while i shiver a little one shoulder shrug…the wine spills onto my knee…and you bend down and lick it off….you’re like a dream. a perfect dream, i keep telling you. and you laugh and tell me i’m fucking crazy. but all i want to do is taste your lips…but i know i should sip the wine you poured….and just as it reaches my lips, you are suddenly gone again, and i sigh, knowing that in my dream i am so intent on having you, but once again, i find myself there alone, fireside, breathing it all in and watching the sunset, not really sure if i am happy or sad, but resigned to accepting it as it is… while wondering….where the fuck did the rest of that malbec go.
I’m floating in pine needles and the smell of roses is so relaxing that i want to drift away to sleep here in this warm, pink bath.
Somehow i end up finding my way through the needles and petals and there you are again, my animus. your broad shoulders…I want to nuzzle against your chest while my hands trace your jaw and clavicle…
I try to breathe you in but you slip away again. …like a syringe In my hands that i keep fumbling with and I drop into an ocean of my racing thoughts.
God, why do I think this much?
Ugh not the alarm already
It was such a nice dream state… Fuck the fucking alarm.
Swirly skied sunrise and sunset
Paired with a hot tea
And a mix in my mind of Monet, Debussy, Rousseau, and Ravel
And a dress that brushes the grass while I walk in a paradise of Spanish moss, dockside
And a basket of books and pens for journaling and lyrical thoughts
And a trio of chicadees giggling in the pines
And a bowl of berries
It’s missing just a few things
It’s a little bit of a dream
I cant get it right today.
Blargh, the weekends.
I want to run away.
I want to find you.
I want you to cover me.
Make it all disappear.
Take my breath away and give me yours.
My face wants to know your arms but not the same way my mouth does.
I need a nap.