meanwhile in reality


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i forgot how the field is.
the real field.
not the wheat grass.
not the beach with endless horizon.
you know, the one you return to.

and i promise these kids…
i am ready to bend and fold and stretch
i’ve been practicing for months now
and it’s autumn…
they call it fall
and i can fall forward
and i can fall sideways
and i can fall backward
and i can get back up
regardless of the storm that is surrounding you…
even when you cannot.
i will stand.
i will stand for you.
i will hold your hand.
the way you wanted to put your head on my shoulder.
the pull toward you i feel because your mother is absent.
your father is absent.
you want love.
you want life.
you want what you deserve.
you are a child of GOD.
if you want to kneel, you fucking kneel.
if you want to scream, you fucking scream.
i will fucking fight for you.
i will rage against the machine.
i will fight the system of a down.
i will protect you.
i am called to.
i am here.
i am yours.
and you are mine.
and i will not stand by and watch you be the victim to this stage of idiocy.

fuck that bullshit.

crush her bones

(work in progress….i’m currently working with some really severe cases in my therapy work and releasing here…)

did you know that you’d crush her bones when you found her there
all she asked was to be alone when you bound her there
what’s the story of the villains
take some time for reconcillin

did you have plans when you crushed her bones for the ugly scars
did you think no one’d know that you crushed her bones for your xanax bars
what’s the story of the villains
take some time for reconcillin

life is too too precious for your digressive obsessive and totally subjective
and mother fucking altered state of restitution for all of the abuse and all of the pollution you have witnessed



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im stuck in traffic

I wish it would rain

first, lightly….. so that I can see the concentric circles and remember that we all have the same center….and then a little harder…. so I can consider how we are connected in a Venn diagram…

and then I hope it fucking pours, so my windshield is just one big waterfall…you know, this oneness bullshit they keep promoting…then i can feel what it’s like to be all enmeshed, smashed together, and I hope, that through some divine mercy,  I end up on top of you.

caffeine buzz


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today i woke up feeling beautiful and happy for no good reason, but it could be because it’s Friday and im feeling free and im living honestly and in the moment, regardless of the chaos each moment brings. you know, it could be that.

it could also be the new shampoo and deodorant tho, cause they smell a little like heaven and make me feel dreamier, too.

and my morning coffee might have something to do with it, just enough fuel in a half caff, but it started before the caffeine buzz.

on a day like today, any thought of you makes me heart expand and feel warmer and really…. joyful.  you made me smile so much every time you’d call me a crazy dumbass and you somehow reminded me of my strength and who I really am. maybe that’s what it is.

and so today, even if just for the morning, i just really feel grateful for that goodness….of….myself….

i don’t know. I may have just described you as a dreamy, ethereal, heavenly caffeine buzz tho.  i dont know what to say about that because it doesn’t really come close…. but… working with it regardless…

it would be more descriptive to add mounds of whipped cream to that cup except you see, i don’t let myself indulge in that anymore.