malbec dreamb

Tags

, , , , , , , , , ,

and so i walk away from that fire that i built for you.
i know the sun is setting and i should set up my tent.
i’m glad my hair smells like campfire.
i didn’t intend on camping alone, but
i know i’ll be warm enough cause
i packed one of those sleeping bags for subzero weather.
i don’t know why i have a subzero sleeping bag;
i don’t intend on glacier camping, like…ever.
i hate the frigid cold.
but i guess if you were there i would do it.
and maybe some whisky.
cause it would keep me warm.
and help me sleep.
but then hiking would be hard.
hangover hiking, dehydration, and frigid winds.
sounds like an icy mix of hell.

warm whisky, subzero sleeping bag, and you.
that might do.

i laugh at my thoughts.

but back to the tent.
i climb inside, kind of giggling,
because…
daaaaaaaaamn. daaaaaamn.
i’m sitting on my puffy sleeping bag and fall backwards,
my head falling deeply into the sand bedding beneath the tent.
beach camping is great for that.
i huff a sigh…
daaaaamn!!!
HOW did you disappear with the malbec???

malbec dreama

Tags

, , , ,

i dont feel like waking up from this dream….

i want to run away with you, like they do in the movies, with the top down on the mustang and along the cliffs of BigSur. and i have a headband on and a cute french braid but the wind still blows it all around…..i look at your arm and watch how you grip at the steering wheel and i cant resist but to lean over and kiss tyour bicep…

then we stop, beachside, and i build a little fire while you pour a malbec with your arms draped over my shoulders, kissing my neck while i shiver a little one shoulder shrug…the wine spills onto my knee…and you bend down and lick it off….you’re like a dream. a perfect dream, i keep telling you. and you laugh and tell me i’m fucking crazy. but all i want to do is taste your lips…but i know i should sip the wine you poured….and just as it reaches my lips, you are suddenly gone again, and i sigh, knowing that in my dream i am so intent on having you, but once again, i find myself there alone, fireside, breathing it all in and watching the sunset, not really sure if i am happy or sad, but resigned to accepting it as it is… while wondering….where the fuck did the rest of that malbec go.

fight for you

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

loving the modern world. a producer from Iran found me on Instagram and wanted to collaborate some music, as well. I’ve been working a little more slowly on this one. it didn’t gel as fast…i’m kinda in a darker space rn; going through a lot at home and idk how to deal some days. music and exercise are both healing and help with stress and processing, but it’s definitely a bit cray.
and very crayola with my kids. bahahha

anyway, i was reading Anais Nin’s short stories, and just was so blown away by the “house boat” and “seduction of the minotaur” ….
so this song is kind of a dedication to her (Lillian) and her work, as well as a mixture of a love song, and a song to myself, i guess. inner work, outer work, transcendence….isn’t it all the same, really. *existential phenomenology*

—————

so i’m standing in the ring
so i take another swing
so i take another hit
it’s another bloody lip
knowing damn well this is worth it

so another monster dead
each time another layer’s shed
cause i am climbing all the bars
even tho i’m seeing stars
knowing damn well this is worth it

i’m i’m i’m i’m
i’m gonna fight for you
time time time time
for all the exiles too
oh i’d i’d i’d i’d
i’d knock the whole world down
for time time time time
for you to be here now

so you wanna get deep
you know i’m turnin in my sleep
cause there’s a switchblade in my bed
break a bottle on their head
knowing damn well this is worth it

let the minotaur out
let the sirens’ play guitar
it’s time now’
centaurs, hydras, typhon’s heads
i’ll fight them all
for you instead

baby you know i’m feelin somethin deep
the way your eyes see me
it’s like you strip away all the things
that aren’t supposed to be there

i’m i’m i’m i’m
i’m gonna fight for you
time time time time
for all the exiles too
oh i’d i’d i’d i’d
i’d knock the whole world down
for time time time time
for you to be here now

and so you’re feeling pretty hot
the exile fever that you caught
it’s like you’re waiting for your ship
with another bloody lip
but it’s the only chance you’ve got

i’ll fight this fight with you love you
know it’s in the stars above we’ll
dock our house boat have some fun
and just in case we’ll keep our guns

and so your target is in sight
you start to feel it in the night
and you know you’re not alone
while you’re searching for your home
and you know it’s damn while worth it

let the minotaur out
let the sirens’ play guitar
it’s time now’
centaurs, hydras, typhon’s heads
i’ll fight them all
for you instead

baby you know i’m feelin something good
baby you love me just the way you should
it’s like we’re in the velvet sun
and i know i’m supposed to be here

i’m i’m i’m i’m
i’m gonna fight for you
time time time time
for all the exiles too
oh i’d i’d i’d i’d
i’d knock the whole world down
for time time time time
for you to be here now

savor

Tags

, , , , , , , , ,

do you know what I’m not going to do?

I’m not going to feel bad or feel wrong for feeling good.

I’m going to appreciate it.

and savor it, the way you do with a dry, red wine.

because that taste is amazing.

I’m not going to let other people’s moods affect my good feelings.

If you can’t celebrate with me, then get off the track.

there are bleachers over there and you can just sulk and watch.

I know where my track is leading, and I like it.

I’m even sprinting and making fun circles the way we used to for defensive ballin.

I’m going to feel the sunshine pour down and revel in the way it makes me feel

-like stretching out and exposing as much skin as possible to soak it in.

good feelings are a gift.

and sometimes we just needed to be reminded that we deserve to feel good.

 

construction juggernaut

Tags

, , , , ,

waiting on some doors to open
and it’s taking forever.
it’s like i’m staring at the hinges,
listening intently for the little squeeeeeak,
hoping to hear the door knob click as it turns,
and the only sound i hear is my ticking time clock heart.

i give up waiting on external change.

Did you hear the Invisibilia podcast at NPR?
Every 7 years our cells cycle rebirth.
So, I guess it’s about that time.

so.
in this *mean*time,
I’m done waiting for doors and windows to open.
I’m building my own mother fucking building.

I feel so strong.
I feel so ready.
It’s not surprising that my foundation
is going to be invincible because it’s made of my own
blood, sweat, tears, and flesh.

I’m doing all the daily practices that I should be.
I’m breathing and networking.
I’m feeling my real feelings.
I’m finding the best in the moments,
despite the hurt and chaos
of the demolition work that needs to happen
in order to rebuild a foundation.

My hands are juggling sledge hammers, mortar, levels….
i’m like a construction junction juggernaut.

self medicating

Tags

, , , , , , , , , ,

this is my own self medicating prescription:

i need to keep my rose colored glasses as far away from my face as possible.
i’m only 5’3″ …so my own arms are kinda short.
it’s hard with those spectacles; they are like a magnet.

hello, readers from India and Australia….
may I mail them to you?
not that i recommend they be worn regularly….
look for a package without a return address.