I need a trunk

Tags

attraction, desire, getit, natural, poetry, Sex, smell, trunk, want

I’m standing in tree pose and I just kind a wish I could find you and make you my nymph…

omg I miss you and I hate you and if you could breathe me in rn….. you would totes be the trunk I need

the moment

Tags

change, free, go, keys, life

it’s that moment…it’s like I’m in a wrinkle in time.  I got the keys and have no idea where these hallways and doors lead, but it feels so free and I know it’s right.  when the moment begins and doesnt end…..

caffeine buzz

Tags

coffee, cream, free, heaven, indulge, live, love, poetry, strength, vitality

today i woke up feeling beautiful and happy for no good reason, but it could be because it’s Friday and im feeling free and im living honestly and in the moment, regardless of the chaos each moment brings. you know, it could be that.

it could also be the new shampoo and deodorant tho, cause they smell a little like heaven and make me feel dreamier, too.

and my morning coffee might have something to do with it, just enough fuel in a half caff, but it started before the caffeine buzz.

on a day like today, any thought of you makes me heart expand and feel warmer and really…. joyful.  you made me smile so much every time you’d call me a crazy dumbass and you somehow reminded me of my strength and who I really am. maybe that’s what it is.

and so today, even if just for the morning, i just really feel grateful for that goodness….of….myself….

i don’t know. I may have just described you as a dreamy, ethereal, heavenly caffeine buzz tho.  i dont know what to say about that because it doesn’t really come close…. but… working with it regardless…

it would be more descriptive to add mounds of whipped cream to that cup except you see, i don’t let myself indulge in that anymore.

because why

Tags

dreams, love, poetry, wish

sometimes when I think of you, im so happy and it makes me float.

sometimes when I think of you, it makes me sad that you have to be gone.

sometimes it makes me laugh because I still can’t even take it …

and sometimes I cry, ….well…..

because because because because becauuuuuuse.

don’t even ask because why

ribcage dance

Tags

breathe, dance, Dream, Feel, free, love, poetry, relax, transcend

when I told God about how you are my favorite and how my heart is going crazy, God replied,

“that’s why I gave you a rib cage…its perfectly safe for your heart to have seizures and do some ecstatic dancing. if you take a deeper breath, it will give your heart a little more room to bounce and it will feel less constricted

…

Breathe.”

cinco de mayo

Tags

anaisnin, bluebird, boat, celebrate, cincodemaya, dance, everywhere, golconda, heidiheilig, impanema, shore, soul, You

do you know the girl from impanema
she makes me wanna dance until i see ya
we’d walk down on the shore
where i could free ya
the way you set my soul my soul on fire

do you know the girl from gold golconda
she made wanna search until
i found ya
we’d hop onto her boat
and i’d surround ya
the way you set my soul my soul on fire

you make me wanna dance dance dance
the night away
you make wanna dance
with all the things
you say
you make me wanna dance there
in your arms so strong
you make me wanna dance
the whole night long

do you know the girl the girl from everywhere
she always worried everything would disappear
but everything has changed around this time of year
the way you set my soul my soul on fire

you make me wanna (chorus)

do you, want to, do you want to dance?

---

you can check this song out at:

gold flag of golconda

Tags

achilles, anaisnin, bees, flags, golconda, Journal, lillian, perspective, plato, poetry, relieve, Self, surrender, transformation, You

Dear Lillian,

sometimes there’s just some grieving to do; you may try to avoid it but it hounds you, you know. and until you feel what you need to feel, no matter how strong and prepared you might be, like Achilles, your heels get attacked by the hound of grief.  it bites at your ankles like a nest of ground bees, but its too painful to actually stop and swat. you have to run. you have to run like a mother fucker while they attack your very source of motion.  and if your feet fail you, you can start to crawl. walk on your hands if you can, drag yourself thru the mud, but don’t give up. dont let them get to your heart.

you have to keep on. and find your way to the black pearl.

and once you get thru that purgatory nest, trying to pull you into hell, you feel like you see a new world, like Plato escaping the cave, and the newness is like a golden and colorful heaven, like in Golconda.

i don’t always get to my Golconda, but when i do, i find myself.

when there’s nothing left to forget, and there’s nothing left to remember, and you find that all that’s left is

the silence of surrender.

you don’t need the vortex of others to lose yourself. there is no more losing here. i already played that black flag losing game, Lillian. there’s no green flag winning games, either.

all that’s left is the white flag of surrender and the gold flag.

the gold flag of golconda.

i will meet you there, Lillian, at that flag pole. you can play jazz piano and i will play marimba and then we will dance. not to forget. not to remember, but to surrender to who you are.

it’s pouring

Tags

change, love, poetry, pouring, storm, You

i just wrote you this beautiful poem about me crying more in the gentle rain, though my phone deleted it and i felt so angry that it was lost. i titled it “unlearning” because my sadness changed to joy when i examined my feelings in deeper meditation.

do you know what the poem said? (not verbatim….it is now lost in cyberspace, hoping you heard it or felt it at least)

it said,

i love you even though it hurts

it said,

im glad it hurts because the feeling is a gift

it said,

i would rather feel love passionately, and scream about it with gladness in my heart.

beats the hell out of the apathetic and subtle tears rolling down my face during a gentle rain.

lets see if my phone agrees to publish this one.

and now ….its pouring.

gentle rain

Tags

acceptance, fog, rain, surrender, Tears, transformation

i love gentle rain.
it kinda makes it feel like
it’s okay to cry some tears.
not heavy and loud sobs,
but nice and gentle ones.

and then there’s those moments
of humidity following rainfall,
where there’s a warm fog hovering
around the earth,
like the earth and atmosphere
are confused as to whether it’s cold or warm.

that’s how it feels after a gentle cry.
your body is kinda cold from the tears and the sadness
but having released them, it’s like a warm embrace
surrounds you
and
you realize,
the fog isn’t actually confusion like so many have written of it…

it’s actually a reminder:
that when conflict is in the air,
cold, warm, cold, warm
the surroundings respond
too…
and have a way of bringing it all together
into something new.
the fog is a new creation, after all.

it’s all going to be okay.
it’s going to be okay.
and it’s time for new creations.

brown bag

Tags

brown bag, Dream, hand, heart, love, poetry

last night, i dreamt of you, again.

no malbec.

but i got to hold your hand

and kind of rub your forearm

before it slipped away.

i had to reach into a brown paper bag

to reach it for some reason.

whatever the case, the rustling

sounded so real,

and getting to

touch you

made it easier to breathe today.