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waiting on some doors to open
and it’s taking forever.
it’s like i’m staring at the hinges,
listening intently for the little squeeeeeak,
hoping to hear the door knob click as it turns,
and the only sound i hear is my ticking time clock heart.

i give up waiting on external change.

Did you hear the Invisibilia podcast at NPR?
Every 7 years our cells cycle rebirth.
So, I guess it’s about that time.

so.
in this *mean*time,
I’m done waiting for doors and windows to open.
I’m building my own mother fucking building.

I feel so strong.
I feel so ready.
It’s not surprising that my foundation
is going to be invincible because it’s made of my own
blood, sweat, tears, and flesh.

I’m doing all the daily practices that I should be.
I’m breathing and networking.
I’m feeling my real feelings.
I’m finding the best in the moments,
despite the hurt and chaos
of the demolition work that needs to happen
in order to rebuild a foundation.

My hands are juggling sledge hammers, mortar, levels….
i’m like a construction junction juggernaut.